Sadness:

I woke yesterday with a sadness that at first I couldn't put a name to, but then it dawned on me... it was the day Kent was flying to his deployment. The sadness just popped on so suddenly. I know most people would think "you have a right to be sad, your husband is leaving", but in my mind the sadness is more for him, and not for me. Let me explain...

One of the things that I have come to realize as a military wife is that life keeps going no matter where your husband is. I get up every day and things have to be done.

I get the kids out of bed, I fix their lunches, and I make sure they have everything for school. I spend the morning yelling up the stairs "hurry up, you are going to be late"; asking endless questions "did you brush your hair?", "did you brush your teeth?", "are those yesterday's socks? or clean ones?", "did you turn off all the lights?", "did you feed the animals?". After they leave I turn my attention to myself and the house. I do up last night's dirty dishes, make a pot of coffee, grab breakfast, and check emails and Facebook. I throw in a load of laundry and manage to give the animals some attention too... a brushing for the cat, a belly rub for the dog. I make a list of what needs to be done for the day and head upstairs to get showered and dressed.

After I am ready for the day, I open my store. Then it's a quick trip over to the post office to check for mail and to send any orders out. I balance the books, balance the checkbook, do any special orders, stock the store, let the dog out, wipe down this, clean that, make phone calls, and place orders. Seriously... I could go on and on!

About the time I am ready to sit down for a break, I realize the kids will be home from school any minute... and then its "what do you have for homework?", "did you practice the piano?", and "what do you want for dinner?".

It's not like I don't think about Kent, or that I don't miss him... because I do! I'm busy. I guess that sums it up really; I am just plain busy! Thoughts flicker through my mind occasionally such as "I wish Kent could see this" or "Kent would think that was funny". But then I file it away... hopefully to remember to mention it to him when I talk to him on the computer or the phone.

When something in the house breaks, when something needs to be hung up, or replaced, or refilled... it's me that does it. I wish sometimes that I could say "can you do this for me?", or "could you please fix that?" but right now it's just me. I get the tools and I do it.

At night, it's the bedtime routine; the kisses, the "good night, I love you!" and the "have good dreams!". Then I take a few minutes to take stock of how the day went, and to go over what needs to be done the next day.

Sometimes there is the moment of self-pity... I miss my husband. I get lonely. I want to curl up with him on the couch and share the day. I want to be able to laugh with him and tell him the funny things that happened. We make do with talking on the phone. I like to watch the kids share their most recent bit of news with him; they get so excited! They fight over who is going to tell him what. We share what we remember with him. And then our life goes on...

Kent, on the other hand, is missing out on the routines. He gets to hear the stories, and about the events... but he isn't there for the inside jokes, the funny incidents, or the craziness of the day. He is the one I feel the sadness for. It breaks my heart that he is missing out on so many things.

To sum it up:

We, as a military family, do what we have to do. He, as a military man, does what he needs to do. I am so proud of him and his service... and I am humbled when people come up to him to thank him.

Kent is a good husband, a good father, and a good man. We hold on tight to the fact that his service will soon be over. That he will soon be retired and be home full time with us. He deserves it...